It is very clear to me where I stand with the Fox. I have distanced myself and he has not noticed at all. I have finished my chemo treatment and he was the only one of my friends who did not say anything about it. I asked him for one thing, a playlist, for me to listen to during my 12 treatments of chemotherapy. He did not deliver. He had over six months and the only thing he did was send me a link to one song that was going to be on the list. As I reflect back on our time together, his actions rarely matched his words. (I wrote about this in my post All I Ever Wanted.)
I don't miss the emotional rollercoaster that I was on with him. I don't miss the way he would spin everything to suit him. I don't miss the way he would latch on to personal things I would share with him that he would then use against me at every opportunity to make himself feel superior or to justify his actions. I don't miss being accused of snogging or shagging every single man who said hello to me. I don't miss that jealousy. I don't miss his chimp-on-the-loose.
I do miss our funny banter and our passion and our intellectual compatibility. And I do grieve the loss of the fantasy that he promised. But his issues and his problems are too toxic for me. I am disappointed that he could not be the sort of friend that I had hoped he could be and that I had witnessed during my surgical recovery.
He has his new girlfriend. They have their plans. Good for them. He has a BUNCH of baggage and has left holes in quite a few hearts along the way. But this girl, former "love of his life" has worked hard to patch the holes he left in mine and it is stronger than ever. That is the most important thing.
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