Liability

"Hello?  You left a message for me to call you back? This is the minivan philosopher." I offered to the woman on the other line.

"So we wanted you to be aware of your liability for the CT scan your oncologist has ordered for you." said the woman on the phone.

"Yes?" I replied, holding my breath.

"Okay so your liability is $2,345.00" she almost whispered as if embarrassed to say that figure to me.

"Oh??  Is that the final cost after insurance?" I gulped.

"That's your estimated liability." she replied.

"Well I don't have it.  I guess you will have to bill me." I clipped.

"I will make a note of that." she replied.

"Thank you. Good bye."  I said.

"Goodbye." she replied.

Click.

Yep.  That's my post-cancer diagnosis, ongoing monitoring life.  What am I supposed to do?  I've been having butterfly sensations floating around in my abdomen for a few weeks now.  I told my oncologist about it at my follow up and he said let's do a CT to make sure nothing is going on.  I agreed because I want to know if there is anything I need to worry about.  So I make the decision to go further into debt for peace of mind?  Or do I cancel the scan because I don't have the money to pay my estimated liability and risk that there is something significant going on?  And maybe die of cancer?

The ongoing financial stresses of having a cancer diagnosis and its subsequent treatment (chemo, surgery, medicines, doctor visits, blood tests etc) dishes out as much suffering as all those words contained in the parentheses.  In fact, it's worse because the institutions don't give a rat's *ss about who you are, you are simply an account receivable.

I find myself feeling angry at the helplessness again.  Since my cancer diagnosis in July 2013, I have shouldered the entire financial cost myself.  I didn't start any gofundme campaign.  I didn't ask anyone to help pay a bill.  Not any friends or family.  I didn't get any either.  I did receive help in the form of rides, some meals for my boys and a few giftcards every now and then.  But nothing to help me chip away at the $10,000 or so in bills for which I was "liable'.  And now I've got another $2300 to add to it.  Yippee! Wonderful!  Please sir, can I have another?

I don't know what to do.  I am too young for Medicare.  I have a full-time, good-paying job with insurance so I can't have the state pay for my medical care.  So I'm basically fucked financially for the next five years while I'm monitored by my doctors.

Sigh. 

Cancer... the gift that keeps on giving even when you've said "enough!!"