Dragon Donkey

People have been asking how I'm feeling and I figured this was an easy way to disseminate the information.

I have felt weird. I still feel weird.

Thursday was fine.  Energy seemed normal.  I almost felt happy.  I was still very anxious learning to live with a drug attached and pumping into my body and trying to coordinate the black fanny pack with my other black clothes. But for all considered, it was a regular day.

I have had an almost immediate side effect of chemo-induced neuropathy and can only drink room temp or slightly warmer fluids. Anything colder feels like it’s burning my mouth and the back of my throat is very sore.  Eating has been a chore because of the shooting pain through my jaws when I begin to chew (seems to take 5-6 chews before the pain subsides).  The home health nurse said these symptoms should decrease as the days go by. She came to see me and disconnect the 5-FU drug on Friday late morning.  She warned me that my energy levels would kind of bottom out over the next two days as the steroids they administer right before the chemo drugs work their way out of my body.  She said to just take it easy and to listen to my body. 

I felt more tired on Saturday but not like I had bottomed out.  More like I had been out really late the night before drinking and having fun and then had to get up early to take care of the kids… that hungover/fatigued feeling except without the benefit of actually drinking any vodka or the benefit of fun memories to make the hangover bearable.  Just ‘draggin’ ass’ as they say…

Same thing on Sunday but had to lie down more often and for longer periods in between.  I did go to the grocery store and it nearly wiped me out for the day.  And then a general melancholy set in….

I miss the feeling of anticipating the weekend and going out with my girlfriends.  Or having anything ‘fun’ to look forward to (like carpaccio at Frazer's on Thursdays). I’m only talking about fun things for me not the fun things for my kids: games, outings etc.  It’s very lonely and I’m only on the first week of treatment. (Actually, I do look forward to taking my sleeping pill every night.) This malaise is another common side effect of chemo; I just hope it’s not permanent.

 

I did some more internet research and have included not only acupuncture treatments but a boatload of additional supplements (B-vitamins, D, Calcium, folic acid) and tons of water.  I believe I have the most efficient kidneys west of the Mississippi. 

As for today, I seem to be tolerating my drinks a little colder than room temp. I have the sniffles (I never get the sniffles, ugh!!!). My throat still hurts, still painful to chew and the neuropathy makes me feel like I’ve been standing outside in the winter’s wind with my cheeks and hands and feet stinging from it. 

I am grateful to be alive, though, and to be receiving treatment.  I’m simply learning to navigate all this new weirdness and hope that someday I will feel like my old self (cancer-free though) again.