So last night I had the strangest dream... I was in college, again, and had my schedule sorted but I was there with my kids, living in the dorm and my ex was there too (although he was in a different dorm). Naturally, in my dream I was not able to make it to my honors English class because I had to deal with some situation regarding my children. It was all entirely believable and real... in my dream that is!
I have had the college-themed dream before but this was the first time my children were involved. And usually the dream revolves around an exam that I'm supposed to take but that I haven't studied for or have never been to the class the whole term and am scrambling to drop the class or to find the class to fake my way through the test. (BTW, I graduated from college over 20 years ago!) I have realized over the years that these college-themed dreams usually happen when I'm am feeling some sort of stress in my life.
And when I have these dreams, I try to take a moment to address whatever is stressing me. In this instance I believe I am stressed over a few things. Here is what I think they are (in no particular order):
1) My Ladybug heading off to college in less than two months AND the college bill arriving in one month;
2) Acting as my infirm grandfather's power of attorney, waiting for his death and dealing with my extended family who just want to get their hands on their inheritance now;
3) Having to make repairs around the house that if I weren't single, a husband would handle. But since I am, it's going to cost me $$ and contractors & repairmen always seem to jack the price up when they know it's a single lady... so I'm worried about the cost;
and
4) Latest bombing in Kabul... makes me worry about my Fox and his safety as he keeps the world safe for all of us. I hate that the human race, even with centuries of precedents that intolerance and hatred are not the best course of action for our species, continues to perpetuate that cycle, leaving men (like my Fox) and women having to put their lives on the line to rein in that intolerance and hatred.
So, hopefully, in acknowledging what is causing me stress I can address them and/or eliminate them. It certainly does me no good to ignore them. I will simply have a dream where not only am I late for the exam but I will be naked too! Wait that's not a dream that is a nightmare!!!
What sort of dreams do you have when you're stressed? Feel free to share.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Before midnight - Updated with my reactions
Headed out to finally see this movie. It's only playing on two screens here, but at least it's playing. I will share my opinions when I return. But until then here is a link to my favorite song to sing karaoke... What are yours?
Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf
Update:
I thoroughly enjoyed Before Midnight. Thoroughly. The dialogue, the writing was just amazing. I loved how real and raw the conversations were between Jesse and Celine. They said things that so many people in relationships are afraid to say but that they think all the time. The vulnerability they portrayed was so real and so refreshing. I have read a few reviews in the blog-o-sphere and by far every one has raved about how great this movie is. But there are a few who feel let down because the glittery-hopeful-romantic-fairy magic that was present in the first two movies is not there this time. Maybe it's the age of the reviewers that lead to their disappointment. I am the age of Celine and Jessie. I am the "middle aged woman with a fat ass losing her hair" as Celine described herself. I have been divorced. I know the pain of ending relationships. And I welcomed the complete honesty & vulnerability that these characters portrayed. Seeing them struggle to stay sane, to stay passionate, to find a personal balance, to strike hard and fast with their words and to see them not abandon ship as a first reaction to those words fits in with my seasoned and 'wiser?' romantic view of life.
I applaud the lowest grossing trilogy of all time in their pursuit of showing what life became for Celine and Jesse... for being willing to disappoint our romantic notions of a movie couples' "happily ever after" but at the same time giving hope that love can endure. I hope they keep talking and bringing us their insightful, clever dialogue in future installments. I hope Celine and Jesse keep fighting for their love and not become the lyrics in the Meatloaf song referenced above in this post... "So now I'm praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you..." I believe Celine & Jesse will prevail.
So glad I finally got to see it. Happy girl here.
Update:
I thoroughly enjoyed Before Midnight. Thoroughly. The dialogue, the writing was just amazing. I loved how real and raw the conversations were between Jesse and Celine. They said things that so many people in relationships are afraid to say but that they think all the time. The vulnerability they portrayed was so real and so refreshing. I have read a few reviews in the blog-o-sphere and by far every one has raved about how great this movie is. But there are a few who feel let down because the glittery-hopeful-romantic-fairy magic that was present in the first two movies is not there this time. Maybe it's the age of the reviewers that lead to their disappointment. I am the age of Celine and Jessie. I am the "middle aged woman with a fat ass losing her hair" as Celine described herself. I have been divorced. I know the pain of ending relationships. And I welcomed the complete honesty & vulnerability that these characters portrayed. Seeing them struggle to stay sane, to stay passionate, to find a personal balance, to strike hard and fast with their words and to see them not abandon ship as a first reaction to those words fits in with my seasoned and 'wiser?' romantic view of life.
I applaud the lowest grossing trilogy of all time in their pursuit of showing what life became for Celine and Jesse... for being willing to disappoint our romantic notions of a movie couples' "happily ever after" but at the same time giving hope that love can endure. I hope they keep talking and bringing us their insightful, clever dialogue in future installments. I hope Celine and Jesse keep fighting for their love and not become the lyrics in the Meatloaf song referenced above in this post... "So now I'm praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you..." I believe Celine & Jesse will prevail.
So glad I finally got to see it. Happy girl here.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
If only my premonitions were useful...
Today I woke up to a Facebook posting by The Rockstar that, lately, he has been faced with making all sorts of decisions, that it has been tough and that he might be moving.
I sat straight up and stared at my little iPhone screen, shocked. WTF?!
I called his father. No answer.
I called him. No answer.
I ran into Ladybug's room and woke her up demanding if she knew about Rockstar's plan to move. She groggily denied any knowledge. I fluttered from room to room. I texted his father.
I called Rockstar again. He called back.
I told him what I saw on Facebook. I asked him WTF is he thinking? He said he wants to grow up with his dad. I reminded him that his father due to his job is only there for two weeks every thirty days. Rockstar replied that he knew that but if he were living out there, he wouldn't have to wait a week to see his dad. I was hurt. I still am. Hours after this conversation, the bleeding hasn't stopped.
I told him that I shouldn't have found out via Facebook and that this was a conversation between his father and me and to tell his dad to call me when he woke up.
Ten years! Ten years! I said to myself in the mirror. I have taken care of him when his father left. I have made sure he got to school, played sports, got to the doctor/dentist/orthodontist/counselor. I have gone to every school function I could attend, cheered loudly for him from the sidelines of every game he played in, celebrated his wins and consoled his losses. I have laughed and cried with him. I protected his father's reputation and made sure that he developed a relationship with him. I have put my life on hold to make sure I do what's best for him and my other two children. His text response was: "... more opportunities for me to grow up and become a man out here..." that it wasn't about me, that he loved me and always would. blah blah blah
His father called. He does not agree with Rockstar. He thinks Rockstar should continue to live with me, not change his permanent address and when he is in town Rockstar can come stay with him. I was relieved to know I was not being ambushed.
My friends say for me not to take any of it personally, that it is just a function of his age (14) and that Rockstar will realize how much he does like it at home.
I replied that I try not to take it personally but after the years of many difficult conversations I have had with my children when they were extolling the virtues of being with their dad and his wife and her extended family because "that's what a family really is and we don't have that with you," it is very hard. Christmas 2011 my children chose to leave me alone so they could spend it with their step-mom and her family even though their father was NOT going to be there due to work. That was the loneliest Christmas I have ever experienced. I still hurt from that. And today's Facebook posting, subsequent conversations and text message with Rockstar resurrected that hurt and tore off any bandages I had. Yes, the bleeding continues.
I have done the best I could for ten years. I tried to have them understand that our little four-person unit was a family and that we needed to love and protect each other.
I can't write any more on this right now. In a day or so, when I have regained perspective, I'll continue. But for now, all I can say is I wish my gut feelings (like those referenced in the posting A new normal) could be put to use in picking out winning lottery numbers instead of predicting heartbreak.
Tourniquet anyone? Anyone?
I sat straight up and stared at my little iPhone screen, shocked. WTF?!
I called his father. No answer.
I called him. No answer.
I ran into Ladybug's room and woke her up demanding if she knew about Rockstar's plan to move. She groggily denied any knowledge. I fluttered from room to room. I texted his father.
I called Rockstar again. He called back.
I told him what I saw on Facebook. I asked him WTF is he thinking? He said he wants to grow up with his dad. I reminded him that his father due to his job is only there for two weeks every thirty days. Rockstar replied that he knew that but if he were living out there, he wouldn't have to wait a week to see his dad. I was hurt. I still am. Hours after this conversation, the bleeding hasn't stopped.
I told him that I shouldn't have found out via Facebook and that this was a conversation between his father and me and to tell his dad to call me when he woke up.
Ten years! Ten years! I said to myself in the mirror. I have taken care of him when his father left. I have made sure he got to school, played sports, got to the doctor/dentist/orthodontist/counselor. I have gone to every school function I could attend, cheered loudly for him from the sidelines of every game he played in, celebrated his wins and consoled his losses. I have laughed and cried with him. I protected his father's reputation and made sure that he developed a relationship with him. I have put my life on hold to make sure I do what's best for him and my other two children. His text response was: "... more opportunities for me to grow up and become a man out here..." that it wasn't about me, that he loved me and always would. blah blah blah
His father called. He does not agree with Rockstar. He thinks Rockstar should continue to live with me, not change his permanent address and when he is in town Rockstar can come stay with him. I was relieved to know I was not being ambushed.
My friends say for me not to take any of it personally, that it is just a function of his age (14) and that Rockstar will realize how much he does like it at home.
I replied that I try not to take it personally but after the years of many difficult conversations I have had with my children when they were extolling the virtues of being with their dad and his wife and her extended family because "that's what a family really is and we don't have that with you," it is very hard. Christmas 2011 my children chose to leave me alone so they could spend it with their step-mom and her family even though their father was NOT going to be there due to work. That was the loneliest Christmas I have ever experienced. I still hurt from that. And today's Facebook posting, subsequent conversations and text message with Rockstar resurrected that hurt and tore off any bandages I had. Yes, the bleeding continues.
I have done the best I could for ten years. I tried to have them understand that our little four-person unit was a family and that we needed to love and protect each other.
I can't write any more on this right now. In a day or so, when I have regained perspective, I'll continue. But for now, all I can say is I wish my gut feelings (like those referenced in the posting A new normal) could be put to use in picking out winning lottery numbers instead of predicting heartbreak.
Tourniquet anyone? Anyone?
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Over a thousand thank yous!!
I just got word from blogger.com that my little blog here, my collection of thoughts, ramblings, perspectives, humor, and personal insights has reached over a thousand views! Wow!
So thank you to each and every one of you who has helped make that possible. I hope you come back often and enjoy what you read here helping The Minivan Philosopher reach 5, 10, 15 thousand+ views!
(Not bad for a blog that doesn't publicize itself so thank you for stumbling upon it & sticking around.)
A thousand plus thank yous!
So thank you to each and every one of you who has helped make that possible. I hope you come back often and enjoy what you read here helping The Minivan Philosopher reach 5, 10, 15 thousand+ views!
(Not bad for a blog that doesn't publicize itself so thank you for stumbling upon it & sticking around.)
A thousand plus thank yous!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Stereotypes
Just returned from a quick visit (1500 miles in 3 days!) down South for college orientation for my Ladybug. Saw this in the parking lot and had to share with y'all. Some people are not helping break the southern redneck stereotype driving vehicles like this. Even with that said, it made me smile hope it does you too.
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