In one month....

I was diagnosed with cancer.
My grandfather died; I handled all the funeral arrangements in between doctor's appointments.
I had a CT scan, two blood tests, an MRI, and a PET scan.
I learned to love Ambien.
I had a nine-hour surgery to remove more of my colon than originally anticipated, my right ovary and to stop the leaking non-cancerous cyst.
I had an 8-day hospital stay, experienced what it truly means to be invisible.
And my Ladybug left for college leaving a huge hole in my soul.
That's a lot for any sane person much less me.

I received good advice today from a friend who lost her husband to cancer. She told me to be sure to visit someplace pretty like the botanical gardens after my chemo treatments. She said it was night & day how her husband reacted to the treatments when they didn't visit the gardens. She also told me to always empty my bladder before my chemo treatments and to bring a change of clothes because there is always the chance you might pee on yourself. What valuable advice! And she said don't be afraid to let the emotions out. She said there are people I will find who don't really want to know the awful shitty parts; they will want to see me smiling, cracking jokes, putting them at ease about my cancer. Thankfully, I have my blog here to be real. I could never post the stuff I've written here on Facebook or on CaringBridge for that matter.  But, here, I will write what makes me happy, sad, angry, and elated. I will just be me.

Anyway, it's been a roller coaster of a month. It's not going to even out anytime soon. But I'm working on seeing the gold, silver, sparkly linings. Thanks for reading.
~the Philosopher