That story has ended.

Just when I was worried that my life was going to become even more complicated, poof just like that, the Universe provides.

He dropped by unannounced yesterday.  He told me he had signed his divorce papers; that he had driven by my house every day for the last two weeks (never stopping or calling though); that he thought about me every day and wondered how I was doing; that he knew he had screwed up by not acknowledging my cancer; that he thought I had a new boyfriend when he saw a white truck in my driveway (uh that would be my ex's truck) that he cared about me so much; that he was there for me; and that he was scared. He held me close.  He kissed me.  I told him that I didn't know what to think anymore; that I have cancer and I will be going through chemotherapy and that I don't want to be with someone who isn't 'there for me'.  He said he was glad to see me and see that I was doing well.  He said he would call me today to tell me how it all went with the judge when they submitted their settlement to the courts.  I said okay, good luck.

I thought all day and all night about this development.  I mean I haven't spoken to him since early July. He never called to see how I was doing after my diagnosis. What did it mean?  Why did I feel numb? What did the Universe want me to do? 

Turns out, the Universe wanted me to do nothing.  Because, this morning he cancelled his divorce petition and they are staying married. Imagine my head spinning around and around on my shoulders like in the Exorcist because that is how I feel.  When I saw the information on casenet, I texted him, told him I was done; never ever call me again.  And deleted his contact information.

And I am relieved.  I have no unfinished business with him.  It is clear that he is not worthy of me.  I read the attached article this morning before finding out his news and knew that I needed to heed the advice of "stop spending time with the wrong people".  He may have been the right person for me a few years ago, but as I've grown and learned more and healed more and experienced more and loved/been loved more (a la my Fox), I know he is no longer right for me nor is he ever going to be.  I am okay with that.  I know I deserve so much more.  And I'm not settling.

So I face my cancer challenge and my life on my own with my friends and family to support me and be there for me.  And as the lyrics in Brandi Carlile's song "I WILL" state:
I have learned throughout my life to never lean on what will bend.

What will happen next?  I have no idea, but I know it will be the right thing for me.
I'll keep you posted, dear readers (although it will probably be REALLY boring for the next few months, at least until after I get through with chemo, lol).
Ciao - the Philosopher

Here is the link 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself