So I've been single for over 10 years now raising my three kids practically on my own. (However, I have been blessed to have had a great support system and 'village' that has kept me sane and been positive influences on my kids.) Their father moved a few states away when he left and has a job that keeps him away from his home 30 days at a time. Therefore, my children have not spent a whole lot of time with their dad in the last ten years. But that's all about to change.
He and his wife have recently bought a home 45 minutes away from me. Circumstances with his wife's ex have made it possible for them to come live here. My kids are super excited. I am mixed emotionally.
What is pleasing about their move:
1) Having more regular breaks from parental responsibility. The last ten years I have had the children 99.9999% of the time. And it wasn't easy having a newborn, 4-year old and 8-year old with no regular breaks. Of course now they are 10, 14 and 18 so things are remarkably different and 'easier' (I say that in quotes because although it is physically easier, it is emotionally/mentally just as tough.)
2) Children get to see their father more frequently. Because now he will be spending his time off work with his kids in the same state. And during the summer time, the kids can be with him the whole time he is home and he can run them to their ball games and practices and dental appointments and doctor visits and buy their shoes and feed them. (Oh my it will be nice to save a few dollars!!!) And they can build memories together and strengthen their bonds by more frequent visits that last longer than 48 hours over random weekends.
3) Saving money. Because they will be with their dad more, I will spend less on food, gas, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, laundry detergent and toilet paper (and significantly reduce the amount of times I find myself staring at an empty toilet paper holder because the children don't EVER change the roll! That, my dear readers, is going to end up a blog posting all it's own!!!)
What has my heart heavy about their move:
1) Although the kids will go to their dads, I will still have the dogs to take care of... and I have not been successful in getting my ex to take the dogs along with the kids. So I won't be completely fancy-free when they are at their dad's because my two canines will need my attention.
2) Having to see how much 'fun' they have with their dad and how he can be entirely devoted to them because he won't have to work when he is in town. A positive trade-off to the fact that he's gone 30 days at a time. I try to keep it in perspective but it does sting a little when they jump around full of excitement when they get to go be with him and his wife and their stepbrother and stepsisters. They are instantly like the Brady Bunch. And then they come home to boring, routine mom who has to work and it's just the four of us. I hope they realize when they are older that I did the best I could for them with the circumstances I was left.
I know the benefits are going to outweigh my nagging insecurities. I guess the last ten years, the kids didn't really have a choice on which parent they were going to be with so, by default, they got me. Now with him living here, they will be with him more frequently and it's possible that they could choose him over me.
Maybe that's what's really bothering me? Potentially, not being the one who is chosen... hmmm... now that I've figured that out, I know which insecurity to start tackling, you know, while they are at their dad's.
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