I've
been thinking a lot about why the Before Sunrise/Sunset/Midnight movie trilogy ranks as
one of my favorites of all time (Aside... Before Midnight opens tomorrow in my town! I must see it
and soon!) I believe it's because the connection between these characters
occurs on multiple levels. They connect emotionally and intellectually as
well as physically. But they are also not without faults - faults the
other partner must learn to accept because it is part of who they love. I
believe I am drawn to this movie because this is how I see want my
relationships to be. I have to connect the E-I-P dots or its not going to
work out between us. For regular readers you know that those dots made a
brilliant-shooting-star-covered-in-gold-dust connection for me and My Fox and before that with
Mike. There have been others who have floated in and out in my last ten
years as a single person but they either only had the E or the P or maybe just
the I but not all three. Only my Fox and Mike have hit all three.
And since I have had that with them, I hold out for that again. I
look for it. If it's not there then there's no use in pursuing anything
further.
I
did try recently to ignore my E-I-P criteria when accepting the invitation for
a dinner date. It was a lovely meal and the conversation was good.
401K man (that is his nickname) was very nice. He is recently
divorced and well-educated and has a good heart. But something nagged at
me during the dinner and the dancing afterwards, like it wasn't a completely
good fit between us. I reflected on our interactions trying to figure out
what was missing. He asked me out again a few more times and I accepted
because I thought "here is an extremely nice man, let me give it another
chance; maybe I'm just being shallow." 401K did nothing wrong.
He said all the right things, texted me at the right times, took me to
nice restaurants and brought me flowers. After the third date, I revealed
to him that I was getting over a broken heart and that I wasn't ready to open
my heart (or my legs) to anyone at this time. He seemed to be very
understanding. He even asked me to lunch another time after my broken
heart revelation. I reminded him at lunch that I just wasn't in a place
to date seriously; that I was especially cautious of getting close to anyone.
And I apologized. I have not heard from him since and I am okay
with that. 401K and I could talk but we didn't connect on the E nor the P
levels. And my subconscious does not allow me to ignore levels nor to
disregard the importance of those levels to me.
I
dated another man several years ago between Mike vers 1.0 and 2.0; I call him
the Chef. The Chef was a great boyfriend. Even though we connected
on the E & the P we did not on the I. This was evident early on in
our relationship and I knew that the Chef was not going to be a long-term
boyfriend for me. We had a great
summer but when he wanted to introduce me to his children, I told him that I
couldn’t do that. I ended our
relationship then because I didn’t want to hurt his kids along with hurting him
when I moved on and I knew I would be moving on because we were not matched
intellectually and that would always be a strike against him. (that’s one hell of a run-on sentence
for such a bright girl!)
There
were a few more but I’m not going to go into all of the examples or reasons for
each one. Suffice it to say they
did not hit the E-I-P hat trick with me.
Mike
and My Fox
both hit the hat trick which makes their absence from my life harder but it
also holds the standard for any future relationship.
I
want to be able to always talk to my partner, to find him fascinating and
intriguing and funny and Intellectually compatible with me. I want to be able to share my Emotions, be vulnerable in my
heart and soul knowing my partner is holding it all gently and cradling them in
his own heart and soul and vice versa.
I want to always have the passion to kiss my partner deeply, to be
flirty and to be sexually compatible in our desires, fantasies, kinks and
explorations. Physically, we just have to
fit.
So my
quest for the E-I-P continues. I’m
grateful that I know what I’m looking for and am no longer just flapping in the
wind. Until all the pieces come
together, you can find me at the movies reveling in two characters whose pieces
fit and fit well.
Readers,
feel free to share your own examples of when it worked and/or didn’t work for
you.
No comments:
Post a Comment