In one month....

I was diagnosed with cancer.
My grandfather died; I handled all the funeral arrangements in between doctor's appointments.
I had a CT scan, two blood tests, an MRI, and a PET scan.
I learned to love Ambien.
I had a nine-hour surgery to remove more of my colon than originally anticipated, my right ovary and to stop the leaking non-cancerous cyst.
I had an 8-day hospital stay, experienced what it truly means to be invisible.
And my Ladybug left for college leaving a huge hole in my soul.
That's a lot for any sane person much less me.

I received good advice today from a friend who lost her husband to cancer.

No place like home

I'm home. Happily relieved to be here. No more blood to give. No more complimentary "waxings" to receive when they rip the tape off my skin. No more bruises from shots. No more feeling like emotional sandpaper. No more green hospital gowns that wear on me like a tent. Nope, no more.

My sanity savers were my children, my family &  friends, my Fox, and Brandi Carlile's music. Without them, I wouldn't have made it through my 8 days post surgery hospitalization. And there could have very well been a prison sentence for me afterwards with the number of 'care partners' I wanted to kill. But I didn't and there isn't because of my sanity savers.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will never forget.

Now I wait for post op visits, pathology reports & chemotherapy strategy. I'm okay with all that, because I am home.

It's like waiting for Santa but its not...

The clock ticks. Slowly. I know I should relish this last 'regular' day.  But I'm not.  I'm so aware that tomorrow at noon begins all the prep for surgery.  That wonderful prep.  Actually after midnight tonight, I get to eat nothing and drink only clear liquids.  So you would think that I would be hitting every all-you-can-eat buffet in town, but I'm not. Instead I had some Kombucha and crackers with cheese from Whole Foods. I did have a cookie too because it will be a while before I can eat those again..  Oh and I did have one last soda.  Can't imagine I will be wanting to introduce carbonation to my healing colon for a good while after surgery.  Would hate to get a 'gas leak'... lol I crack myself up.

The waiting is the worst....

Anxiously waiting to hear the results of my PET scan this morning.  Making for a very long day.  Hard to stay focused.  Can't even work on my book...

Ugh!

Update:
Doc called. Nothing additional to report from PET scan: liver good, kidneys pancreas etc good. Cysts in belly fat did not light up. They could see the tumor & there is a small tissue mass near there that they will better be able to figure out what it is when they go in. But for all purposes an 'unremarkable scan' in terms of cancer. Yeah! Sometimes it's okay to be unremarkable.... Have a nice weekend everyone.

Your Shoulders

are
for standing tall,
leaning against,
carrying others,
carrying me,
crying on,
resting on,
nuzzling,
and loving.

My heart thanks you.