Honest Sinner

Why some people persist in living in hypocrisy is beyond me... We only get one life to live.  And it is short! Why not live it authentically acknowledging faults, addressing them, embracing the love in the world? You might falter, screw up, feel a bit of pain every now and then but at least that pain is a result of living as an honest sinner... a lying hypocrite's pain ripples outward, upward, sideways and affects so many more than just himself.  And that is just cruel.

I don't have time for hypocrites.  My life is too full of love and mistakes, laughter and tears, hopes and fears all rolled up into my amazing journey.  I'll take my honest sinners any day.

Gettin' my herr did

It was sobering to sit in the salon chair yesterday looking at myself in the mirror while my stylist & dear friend tried to help me see the bright side to my continuing hair loss. She pointed out areas that had new growth; that's a good sign. She reminded me that I wasn't going to go bald and to think that right now I could have been 14 weeks into wearing a wig. I sighed and said I know. It's just hard to everyday have less hair on my head & more in my hands or the tub drain or the brush or my coat. Ten more weeks. I joked with Kathy that we will know I've fully recovered and have my thick blonde mane truly back when I ask her to thin it out a bit. I'll never complain about how long it takes to blow dry my hair again. It's better than seeing my scalp through the remaining strands.

Cancer & chemotherapy really change the way you look at life. From the inside out....

Sweetness

All of life is sweeter with the right person by your side.

That is all I have to say for now.

Homecoming

Ladybug is home from college on Christmas break. It feels good to have us all back together again under the same roof. We have missed her a lot!

I'll write more later. I'm tired now from driving 11 hours in two days. But it was so worth it.

Feeling very blessed.

Hope you are too!

PET scan redux

Results are in:

All is clear -  no sign of any cancer.  Still have 6 more treatments to go through but truly feel like this is the first time I can actually breathe any sort of 'sigh of relief'.

Great great news.  I needed to hear this today.  Believe I will be cured of this and will make it to five years and beyond.

All my pieces of my recovery puzzle are finally coming together and it feels really good.

50% done; 6 down, 6 to go; half a pie gone; THE halfway mark!

I had my 6th chemo treatment today. Halfway there.  Really thankful for the physical and mental health break that I got over the last four weeks.  Hoping it will give me the strength to make it through this and the next 6.  14 more weeks.

Good news - have become a member of the Cancer Support Community in Des Peres.  They do amazing work.  Support groups, exercise classes, nutritional counseling and cooking classes and support groups for kids and teens.  Last night we went to the Family Support Group night and the kids collaborated on a song about cancer while the parents talked about all the fun things (sarcasm) this diagnosis has thrust upon us.  After our sessions, we went to listen to the CD the kids made.  They wrote the song and sang it as well.  It was titled "Woah, cancer"  and I started tearing up at the first line... I was overwhelmed with the kids' love for us parents as it was evidenced through the lyrics.  My boys had such a great time too.  When Ladybug gets home, I'm going to have the three of them do a session of KidsRock Cancer.  I think it will be really healthy and fun for them.  I'm also excited that the boys want to do the other family events (tae kwon do, cooking classes etc).

I am glad that I got so upset the last time and wrote emails that lit fires under a few experts asses and that the response has connected me to the available resources that I so desperately needed. 

In addition, I know deep down that the universe is rewarding me for going through all this chemo-mess by bringing an Ikea to St. Louis!!!!  I am grateful and excited for sure!

The next two days are going to be pretty awful weather-wise... will have to wrap up like Ralphie in a Christmas Story.  But hopefully with a little more style.

PS - cut my hair so it wouldn't be as obnoxious as my hair continues to thin out and my blonde strands are found everywhere!