Have you ever had to endure that phone call from another parent informing you of some error in judgment committed by your child? And you are stunned because you had not been told about it by your own kid and secondly because of the superiority transmitted in the voice of the other parent? Where you know that parent is making judgments about your parenting skills, your education, your class, your child’s worth? When you have to fight the urge to lash back at that parent’s arrogance and want to tell them that perhaps they have sheltered their child for too long and that it can be a big, mean world out there and when someone is feeling like they are being ganged-up upon, they usually lash out? And you know that your child has a good heart and is a kind kid and is going to grow up to be a fine adult? But that this parent is going to use this opportunity to declare to others how much better a job she is doing raising her children than you are? When all you can do is say thank you for bringing this to my attention and assure her it will be dealt with?
No? I didn’t think so. Me neither.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
28-day Storm
I survive a 28-day storm every month. It starts out barely visible off beyond the horizon. As the days turn into weeks, the storm builds. My normal, staid focus becomes increasingly erratic with new thoughts arriving the instant another leaves. I begin to fill up inside with stories and ideas and philosophical ramblings. I am prolific in my output. I have to get it all out on paper. The storm rages on for another week and I’m riding it, exhilarated. I’ve got my mental surfboard in the rushing waters and we are taking every wave. I like what I write, what I think, what I see. I feel like there is no end to my abilities. I’m in my groove and it feels good. And then, suddenly, the storm ceases. And I’m left standing there wet, with my surfboard in hand and no waves to ride. And I can’t force any stories to come. I am empty, sad. I put my surfboard away and watch the dry horizon for any sign of the next storm.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Lost In Reality
Where is my map? Where did I put it? Do you have it? Do you know where I’m supposed to be going? I look for signs everywhere that I’m on the right path. I consult the astrology books in the supermarket checkout lines. But until I read one that says “Quit chomping on that Snickers bar, fatty, because the man of your dreams is sitting outside with a sign that reads Will Work For Food,” I can’t really take them all that seriously. They are just too vague. It’s the same thing with the “Magic 8 Ball”. What is so magic about it? I keep asking the same questions over and over, and the best it can come up with is “Reply hazy, try again.” Of course it would say that! I know that my life is hazy! It is supposed to tell me if I am on the right track or not. Reply hazy, please!
Maybe those stalwarts are just too outdated, not technological enough? Perhaps a personal GPS system is a better tool? Kind of like a really miniature version of C3PO. Do they sell a GPS system for your life? Wouldn’t that be cool – just attach a 4 -inch screen to your wrist and have it tell you – “Turn left here.” Or “you’ve gone too far, turn back NOW!” Or “I would not advise putting all your money in that fund; it does not show up on my radar.” Maybe they could even make it able to detect good eggs from bad eggs like in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory? You could be thinking this guy (or gal) is pretty cute or funny and you are interested in him (or her). As you begin to get closer, your GPS system could give you an alarm that said “Mayday! Mayday! Danger ahead!” (Of course if he is really good-looking, you can always ignore it and go ahead with all your own devilishly good plans. I’m not here to judge.)
Alas, there is not a personal GPS system for me. And the astrology charts and Magic 8 Ball don’t tell me anything. I’ve even looked for direction reading the placemats at Chinese Restaurants. Nothing. And fortune cookies are only fun to read when you end all their statements with the words “in bed.” But so far my life plan hasn’t materialized. I have had to get where I am today on a combination of hard work, good mentors and sheer luck. And the next segment of my life will pretty much follow that same plan. However, I have gained a bit of wisdom over the years; perhaps I’ll employ that too.
Maybe those stalwarts are just too outdated, not technological enough? Perhaps a personal GPS system is a better tool? Kind of like a really miniature version of C3PO. Do they sell a GPS system for your life? Wouldn’t that be cool – just attach a 4 -inch screen to your wrist and have it tell you – “Turn left here.” Or “you’ve gone too far, turn back NOW!” Or “I would not advise putting all your money in that fund; it does not show up on my radar.” Maybe they could even make it able to detect good eggs from bad eggs like in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory? You could be thinking this guy (or gal) is pretty cute or funny and you are interested in him (or her). As you begin to get closer, your GPS system could give you an alarm that said “Mayday! Mayday! Danger ahead!” (Of course if he is really good-looking, you can always ignore it and go ahead with all your own devilishly good plans. I’m not here to judge.)
Alas, there is not a personal GPS system for me. And the astrology charts and Magic 8 Ball don’t tell me anything. I’ve even looked for direction reading the placemats at Chinese Restaurants. Nothing. And fortune cookies are only fun to read when you end all their statements with the words “in bed.” But so far my life plan hasn’t materialized. I have had to get where I am today on a combination of hard work, good mentors and sheer luck. And the next segment of my life will pretty much follow that same plan. However, I have gained a bit of wisdom over the years; perhaps I’ll employ that too.
Some things I have learned....
Some things I’ve learned:
If you smile pretty, the sales guy at the Auto Zone will put on your new windshield wipers for you at no charge.
There is a big difference between organic chicken and that other stuff in the stores. Organic chicken actually tastes like chicken.
It doesn’t matter if I do one shot of tequila or 12 shots of tequila, I’m gonna throw up.
Children under 6 are brutally honest even when it is not requested.
No one is going to show up on my doorstep with my dream job on a silver platter; I actually have to go out there and get it for myself.
Houses do not clean themselves, no matter how much I twitch my nose back and forth.
I’m not ready to dance with just one man.
Floss.
You can’t orgasm when you’re dead. So you might as well have as many as you can while you are living.
Carrying around guilt and shame that is 20 years old is like burying yourself alive.
When they say to take ibuprofen with food, they really mean it.
I do not have to be unhappy; I can change my circumstances.
Dancing tango is like being hugged for three hours.
No matter where I have traveled, people are the same. We cry, we laugh, we get married, we have families, we dance and we die. Oh and the sun shines everywhere not just here.
Having children does not fundamentally change who I am, they enhance my life.
White wine or red wine, it doesn’t matter, as long as I’m sharing it with a friend.
I cannot live without passion in my life.
Sometimes I have so many thoughts rushing around my head that I just have to get it out on paper. And sometimes, I just want to dance.
Our hearts have an incredible capacity for love and that it really is better to have loved and been loved even if only for a short time than to have never felt it.
Not to give up on hope. Having once lived without it and after reclaiming it, I will never let it go again. It is too precious.
If you smile pretty, the sales guy at the Auto Zone will put on your new windshield wipers for you at no charge.
There is a big difference between organic chicken and that other stuff in the stores. Organic chicken actually tastes like chicken.
It doesn’t matter if I do one shot of tequila or 12 shots of tequila, I’m gonna throw up.
Children under 6 are brutally honest even when it is not requested.
No one is going to show up on my doorstep with my dream job on a silver platter; I actually have to go out there and get it for myself.
Houses do not clean themselves, no matter how much I twitch my nose back and forth.
I’m not ready to dance with just one man.
Floss.
You can’t orgasm when you’re dead. So you might as well have as many as you can while you are living.
Carrying around guilt and shame that is 20 years old is like burying yourself alive.
When they say to take ibuprofen with food, they really mean it.
I do not have to be unhappy; I can change my circumstances.
Dancing tango is like being hugged for three hours.
No matter where I have traveled, people are the same. We cry, we laugh, we get married, we have families, we dance and we die. Oh and the sun shines everywhere not just here.
Having children does not fundamentally change who I am, they enhance my life.
White wine or red wine, it doesn’t matter, as long as I’m sharing it with a friend.
I cannot live without passion in my life.
Sometimes I have so many thoughts rushing around my head that I just have to get it out on paper. And sometimes, I just want to dance.
Our hearts have an incredible capacity for love and that it really is better to have loved and been loved even if only for a short time than to have never felt it.
Not to give up on hope. Having once lived without it and after reclaiming it, I will never let it go again. It is too precious.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Space needed...
A Proposed, no, Preferred, Stall Management System
I used to wonder what the appropriate ladies' restroom etiquette should be. But now I'm just going to say HOW it SHOULD be. Ladies, because we don't pee standing up, we get these nice stalls in our restrooms. Thankfully. However I'd like to recommend that when going into a restroom that has more than two stalls and one of those is already occupied that you choose the stall one stall over, not directly beside it. And conversely if you enter a restroom and there are more than two stalls, choose one that allows someone else to not HAVE to enter right next to you. It boggles my mind each time someone enters a stall right next to me when there are plenty of others (empty) they can choose from. I am thankful that we have stalls and door locks because otherwise they probably would march right on in to use the one I'm using. And don't get me started on those women who don't bother flushing or washing their hands!!! Where are you from? You're too busy to wash your hands but not too busy to spread disease?!
(Please know that I understand this stall management system is moot when all the stalls are occupied such as at concerts, sporting events, etc... but if we all start to employ it, public restroom usage won't have to feel so 'public'.)
I used to wonder what the appropriate ladies' restroom etiquette should be. But now I'm just going to say HOW it SHOULD be. Ladies, because we don't pee standing up, we get these nice stalls in our restrooms. Thankfully. However I'd like to recommend that when going into a restroom that has more than two stalls and one of those is already occupied that you choose the stall one stall over, not directly beside it. And conversely if you enter a restroom and there are more than two stalls, choose one that allows someone else to not HAVE to enter right next to you. It boggles my mind each time someone enters a stall right next to me when there are plenty of others (empty) they can choose from. I am thankful that we have stalls and door locks because otherwise they probably would march right on in to use the one I'm using. And don't get me started on those women who don't bother flushing or washing their hands!!! Where are you from? You're too busy to wash your hands but not too busy to spread disease?!
(Please know that I understand this stall management system is moot when all the stalls are occupied such as at concerts, sporting events, etc... but if we all start to employ it, public restroom usage won't have to feel so 'public'.)
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