Lost In Reality

Where is my map? Where did I put it? Do you have it? Do you know where I’m supposed to be going? I look for signs everywhere that I’m on the right path. I consult the astrology books in the supermarket checkout lines. But until I read one that says “Quit chomping on that Snickers bar, fatty, because the man of your dreams is sitting outside with a sign that reads Will Work For Food,” I can’t really take them all that seriously. They are just too vague. It’s the same thing with the “Magic 8 Ball”. What is so magic about it? I keep asking the same questions over and over, and the best it can come up with is “Reply hazy, try again.” Of course it would say that! I know that my life is hazy! It is supposed to tell me if I am on the right track or not. Reply hazy, please!

Maybe those stalwarts are just too outdated, not technological enough? Perhaps a personal GPS system is a better tool? Kind of like a really miniature version of C3PO. Do they sell a GPS system for your life? Wouldn’t that be cool – just attach a 4 -inch screen to your wrist and have it tell you – “Turn left here.” Or “you’ve gone too far, turn back NOW!” Or “I would not advise putting all your money in that fund; it does not show up on my radar.” Maybe they could even make it able to detect good eggs from bad eggs like in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory? You could be thinking this guy (or gal) is pretty cute or funny and you are interested in him (or her). As you begin to get closer, your GPS system could give you an alarm that said “Mayday! Mayday! Danger ahead!” (Of course if he is really good-looking, you can always ignore it and go ahead with all your own devilishly good plans. I’m not here to judge.)

Alas, there is not a personal GPS system for me. And the astrology charts and Magic 8 Ball don’t tell me anything. I’ve even looked for direction reading the placemats at Chinese Restaurants. Nothing. And fortune cookies are only fun to read when you end all their statements with the words “in bed.” But so far my life plan hasn’t materialized. I have had to get where I am today on a combination of hard work, good mentors and sheer luck. And the next segment of my life will pretty much follow that same plan. However, I have gained a bit of wisdom over the years; perhaps I’ll employ that too.