Perfect on Paper

Like everyone who is not in love, he thought one chose the person to be loved after endless deliberations and on the basis of particular qualities or advantages.
-Marcel Proust


He called me after he had returned from his trip. "Hey sexy!" he said. I smiled and replied, "Glad to see you finally got my name right." He had had a good trip home. Saw some friends. Picked up more of his belongings that he had left there. Said he had missed me too. And then said we needed to talk.

"Okay" I replied hesitatingly. This did not sound good. He continued on relaying a story about a woman whom he had been seeing back home, whom he had broken up with before moving to my town and whom he saw again when he went home. I was confused as to where he was going with all this. I knew he and I were at the beginnings in our relationship, so I had no expectations of exclusivity.

He apologized to me for not telling me about this woman earlier but that when he met me he didn't think she was going to be in his life again. However on his trip home, she told him she missed him and wanted to try again. So he had agreed to let her move in with him in this new town and he felt he needed to give it an honest shot. So that no matter how much it pained him to let me go, he felt he needed to focus on her and that relationship.

I was a little shocked to say the least. I was a little pissed too that some girl whom I didn't know about was able to just step in and stop a potential relationship from forming because she had changed her mind. He and I continued talking. He began listing all the things about me that he was going to miss. He really sounded conflicted and in pain over his decision. I asked him what was it about her that made him want to be with her. His reply.... are you ready?.... was.... "well she's perfect on paper."

WTF!? I thought out loud. What I said was - "Perfect on Paper? She's a person not a product! All those things that you say you love about me that you don't have with her you are going to miss sorely. I feel really bad for you but I hope I'm wrong and she turns out to be so much more than Perfect on Paper."

How could I compete with someone who was Perfect on Paper? I couldn't and I can't. I am far from being Perfect on Paper. I am divorced, over 40 with 3 children. I have an ex-husband and two dogs. I need reading glasses, orthotics for my shoes and have retired my uterus from birthing any more babies. I have a good job. I am educated. I read for pleasure and personal growth. I dance tango. I embrace life with passion. I love with my whole body. I laugh and I move on. There is no way I will fit into someone's idealized version of a woman. I can't be anyone else but me.

I let this man go. He married Perfect on Paper and they now have a child. He still contacts me occasionally and tells me how much he misses me. I smile and say that is normal and expected for I know that I am so much more than just "perfect on paper".