Oreo Cookies...

When I was at the check-out counter at Walgreens the other day buying shampoo and cards and stuff, a man came up and put his items down on the counter to be served next. Instinctively, I looked down to see what he was buying. I was intrigued by his choices. He had a package of double-stuff Oreo cookies and an economy size box of condoms. That's it. Nothing else. No wine (although not possible in our state - Walgreens doesn't sell liquor), no lube, no flowers, no musk cologne. Nothing. Just Oreos and condoms.

I immediately began to wonder what he had in store for himself that evening. Did he know his partner so well that he knew that foreplay for her was a package of double-stuff Oreos? Was there some sort of unknown aphrodisiac in Oreos that warranted the economy size box of condoms? Would he be getting lucky for hours on end? Were Oreo cookies the poor-man's equivalent of Viagra? Perhaps they were for him and not for her?

Or perhaps he was going to attend an orgy/potluck dinner that evening? And perhaps he was running late and didn't have time to bake his famous chocolate chip brownies; but he knew that all the participating women loved oreo cookies so he substituted that instead. That would explain the economy-sized box of condoms.

But then I was back to my original thought about him getting lucky with his lady and foreplay consisting of a package of oreos. What a mess with all those cookie crumbs getting stuck in various crevices! And then having to change the sheets immediately after due to the crumbs so ants would not migrate and set up new colonies in the bed. Goodness! How do you manage the wet spot?!? Yuck! And then I pondered when does a woman start to desire a package of Oreos as her aphrodisiac rather than a bottle of wine? And then I said a quick prayer to every heavenly body I could think of that there would be a big, flashing, neon warning sign if I ever started to get aroused after eating Oreos. I even asked them to also blow a fog horn at me (in case I was so blinded by the afterglow of the Oreos), so I could turn quickly and run in the opposite direction. I also said a little prayer of thanks that at least there were two souls who were going to be having a little 'happiness' that night. It didn't really matter what the means were to achieve the end.

However, I can no longer look at Oreo cookies with the same innocence I once had. And I will be very, very suspect of any date who shows up with a package of them....