Sometimes a little encouragement goes a long way...
I recently sent to a respected colleague and friend what I have written so far on my book (current working titles: 4199 or Travel by M.A.P.) and he responded quite favorably.
Respected colleague: Hey - excellent story.
Respected colleague: Sorry for delay.
Respected colleague: You are real talent. This is as good or better as any I've seen
The Philosopher: You're not just saying that because you are my friend?
Respected colleague: No. This is really good.
.....
followed by:
The Philosopher: glad you liked it on a cerebral as well as physical level lol
Respected colleague: yeah. no flattery, this is just good.
The Philosopher: well if you ever want to read just my random blog postings about my life etc... you can visit minivanphilosopher.blogspot.com
Respected colleague: One of things i like is a very, very good flow. No stall-outs. It has a really good pace, but still gives good detail.
.....
followed by:
Respected colleague: When did you start?
The Philosopher: thinking about this idea? last summer
The Philosopher: really writing it - mid-april
Respected colleague: ok
Respected colleague: well you a serious talent, for sure.
The Philosopher: thanks - it's good to hear that
Respected colleague: Reading it, it's like you've had it inside you for a while and you're relieved to release it. Does that make sense? When I read it, it kind of felt like it had been shot out of a cannon
Respected colleague: Like it had been waiting for a long time
....
then a few more quick exchanges about the writing process and then on to a general discussion about life.
BUT I am so excited to receive this encouragement to continue and that it really is that good. It has re-energized me because I haven't written anything additional in about a week. I was experiencing a bit of a block which feels remarkably like it has evaporated!
You know, dear readers, encouraging words are oftentimes the kindest words in the universe!
Thank you respected colleague and dear friend, thank you!
I will continue.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
A new normal is coming our way... can I cope?
So I've been single for over 10 years now raising my three kids practically on my own. (However, I have been blessed to have had a great support system and 'village' that has kept me sane and been positive influences on my kids.) Their father moved a few states away when he left and has a job that keeps him away from his home 30 days at a time. Therefore, my children have not spent a whole lot of time with their dad in the last ten years. But that's all about to change.
He and his wife have recently bought a home 45 minutes away from me. Circumstances with his wife's ex have made it possible for them to come live here. My kids are super excited. I am mixed emotionally.
What is pleasing about their move:
1) Having more regular breaks from parental responsibility. The last ten years I have had the children 99.9999% of the time. And it wasn't easy having a newborn, 4-year old and 8-year old with no regular breaks. Of course now they are 10, 14 and 18 so things are remarkably different and 'easier' (I say that in quotes because although it is physically easier, it is emotionally/mentally just as tough.)
2) Children get to see their father more frequently. Because now he will be spending his time off work with his kids in the same state. And during the summer time, the kids can be with him the whole time he is home and he can run them to their ball games and practices and dental appointments and doctor visits and buy their shoes and feed them. (Oh my it will be nice to save a few dollars!!!) And they can build memories together and strengthen their bonds by more frequent visits that last longer than 48 hours over random weekends.
3) Saving money. Because they will be with their dad more, I will spend less on food, gas, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, laundry detergent and toilet paper (and significantly reduce the amount of times I find myself staring at an empty toilet paper holder because the children don't EVER change the roll! That, my dear readers, is going to end up a blog posting all it's own!!!)
What has my heart heavy about their move:
1) Although the kids will go to their dads, I will still have the dogs to take care of... and I have not been successful in getting my ex to take the dogs along with the kids. So I won't be completely fancy-free when they are at their dad's because my two canines will need my attention.
2) Having to see how much 'fun' they have with their dad and how he can be entirely devoted to them because he won't have to work when he is in town. A positive trade-off to the fact that he's gone 30 days at a time. I try to keep it in perspective but it does sting a little when they jump around full of excitement when they get to go be with him and his wife and their stepbrother and stepsisters. They are instantly like the Brady Bunch. And then they come home to boring, routine mom who has to work and it's just the four of us. I hope they realize when they are older that I did the best I could for them with the circumstances I was left.
I know the benefits are going to outweigh my nagging insecurities. I guess the last ten years, the kids didn't really have a choice on which parent they were going to be with so, by default, they got me. Now with him living here, they will be with him more frequently and it's possible that they could choose him over me.
Maybe that's what's really bothering me? Potentially, not being the one who is chosen... hmmm... now that I've figured that out, I know which insecurity to start tackling, you know, while they are at their dad's.
He and his wife have recently bought a home 45 minutes away from me. Circumstances with his wife's ex have made it possible for them to come live here. My kids are super excited. I am mixed emotionally.
What is pleasing about their move:
1) Having more regular breaks from parental responsibility. The last ten years I have had the children 99.9999% of the time. And it wasn't easy having a newborn, 4-year old and 8-year old with no regular breaks. Of course now they are 10, 14 and 18 so things are remarkably different and 'easier' (I say that in quotes because although it is physically easier, it is emotionally/mentally just as tough.)
2) Children get to see their father more frequently. Because now he will be spending his time off work with his kids in the same state. And during the summer time, the kids can be with him the whole time he is home and he can run them to their ball games and practices and dental appointments and doctor visits and buy their shoes and feed them. (Oh my it will be nice to save a few dollars!!!) And they can build memories together and strengthen their bonds by more frequent visits that last longer than 48 hours over random weekends.
3) Saving money. Because they will be with their dad more, I will spend less on food, gas, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, laundry detergent and toilet paper (and significantly reduce the amount of times I find myself staring at an empty toilet paper holder because the children don't EVER change the roll! That, my dear readers, is going to end up a blog posting all it's own!!!)
What has my heart heavy about their move:
1) Although the kids will go to their dads, I will still have the dogs to take care of... and I have not been successful in getting my ex to take the dogs along with the kids. So I won't be completely fancy-free when they are at their dad's because my two canines will need my attention.
2) Having to see how much 'fun' they have with their dad and how he can be entirely devoted to them because he won't have to work when he is in town. A positive trade-off to the fact that he's gone 30 days at a time. I try to keep it in perspective but it does sting a little when they jump around full of excitement when they get to go be with him and his wife and their stepbrother and stepsisters. They are instantly like the Brady Bunch. And then they come home to boring, routine mom who has to work and it's just the four of us. I hope they realize when they are older that I did the best I could for them with the circumstances I was left.
I know the benefits are going to outweigh my nagging insecurities. I guess the last ten years, the kids didn't really have a choice on which parent they were going to be with so, by default, they got me. Now with him living here, they will be with him more frequently and it's possible that they could choose him over me.
Maybe that's what's really bothering me? Potentially, not being the one who is chosen... hmmm... now that I've figured that out, I know which insecurity to start tackling, you know, while they are at their dad's.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Waiting to Exhale
I learned today that my daughter, the Ladybug, is smoking cigarettes. She is 18 so she can legally purchase them and smoke them. However, I am sincerely disappointed in her. I thought she knew better.
I used to smoke. It has been 11 years since I smoked. I quit each time I got pregnant. I started back up after the first two kids though because my husband smoked too. However when the Sage was born, my husband and I were separated and I didn't resume smoking. I didn't want my newborn baby boy to smell the cigarette smoke on my skin when I nursed him. I didn't want him inhaling second hand smoke. Didn't think it was fair to him. It was easier than I expected to not smoke. There have been a few times in the last 11 years that I have puffed on a cigarette; however the last time was about 7 years ago. That time when I took a drag it made me physically sick. I have not had a drag since.
My ex-husband still smokes and so does his wife. I told Ladybug to reflect on why she started smoking and address that issue instead of continuing to smoke. I told her I was disappointed in her, that I thought she loved herself more than that to be a smoker. She said she started smoking last summer and that she liked the buzz it gives her (doesn't everyone, that's why we keep smoking, duh!) and that she would quit eventually but that it wasn't going to be today or tomorrow. She then said that she believes that you only live once (YOLO in text speak) and she wasn't going to keep herself from experiencing things that are here on earth. Then she gave me some lame excuse that at least she wasn't smoking crack, drinking or doing heroin. She also tried to make me feel better by saying her smoking was not proof that I failed as a parent. I laughed uncomfortably and said this was not about me, but about her choices and how disappointed I am in them.
This was not a fun conversation. I repeated my plea that she think long and hard about this expensive path of self sabotage she was on and that she make the decision to quit now before it becomes too difficult. She just looked at me. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she had checked out of our conversation. So I stood up and said to her, "well I can tell you no longer care about anything I'm saying." She said nothing and just looked through me.
I let her father know. He is devastated as well.
Sigh, oh Ladybug, I hope you come to your senses before it's too late.
I used to smoke. It has been 11 years since I smoked. I quit each time I got pregnant. I started back up after the first two kids though because my husband smoked too. However when the Sage was born, my husband and I were separated and I didn't resume smoking. I didn't want my newborn baby boy to smell the cigarette smoke on my skin when I nursed him. I didn't want him inhaling second hand smoke. Didn't think it was fair to him. It was easier than I expected to not smoke. There have been a few times in the last 11 years that I have puffed on a cigarette; however the last time was about 7 years ago. That time when I took a drag it made me physically sick. I have not had a drag since.
My ex-husband still smokes and so does his wife. I told Ladybug to reflect on why she started smoking and address that issue instead of continuing to smoke. I told her I was disappointed in her, that I thought she loved herself more than that to be a smoker. She said she started smoking last summer and that she liked the buzz it gives her (doesn't everyone, that's why we keep smoking, duh!) and that she would quit eventually but that it wasn't going to be today or tomorrow. She then said that she believes that you only live once (YOLO in text speak) and she wasn't going to keep herself from experiencing things that are here on earth. Then she gave me some lame excuse that at least she wasn't smoking crack, drinking or doing heroin. She also tried to make me feel better by saying her smoking was not proof that I failed as a parent. I laughed uncomfortably and said this was not about me, but about her choices and how disappointed I am in them.
This was not a fun conversation. I repeated my plea that she think long and hard about this expensive path of self sabotage she was on and that she make the decision to quit now before it becomes too difficult. She just looked at me. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she had checked out of our conversation. So I stood up and said to her, "well I can tell you no longer care about anything I'm saying." She said nothing and just looked through me.
I let her father know. He is devastated as well.
Sigh, oh Ladybug, I hope you come to your senses before it's too late.
Sweaty Armpits!!!
Oh my gawd getting older is just one biological phenomenon after another!!!
In this post Growing Older not as much fun as it seems, I wrote a paragraph about some of the physical changes you go through as you age and I naively stated that these changes "...are not necessarily welcomed but they do not shock you." Well I can unequivocally state that the random perspiration in my armpits is definitely shocking, not welcome and I had no clue this was even coming!
The first time it happened was last fall. I thought it was because it was still 100 degrees outside with humidity levels approaching 100%. But then it continued to occur throughout the winter months (maybe I was dressing too warmly?) I thought something was wrong with me and put it on my list of symptoms to research on the internet when I happened to be watching a rerun of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on cable and saw a scene where Kate Hudson is talking rapidly and begins to put tissues under her arm pits. And I said "YES!" and pointed at the screen. I knew exactly what she was going through. However when I saw the movie the first time ten years ago, I did not understand or even recognize the significance of the paper towel move. It was not on my radar screen.
Last night my son, the Rockstar, asked me if I was trying to fly somewhere when he saw me doing my interpretation of the Chicken Dance in the kitchen as I was trying to dry out my armpits. I laughed and told him to just bring me some paper towels.
I don't know how long this is supposed to last but when I surveyed my peer group of girlfriends, they are in the same sweaty boat. It is nice to know I am not alone. There are many web sites devoted to hyperhidrosis. I'm sure the answer is in there somewhere.
I wonder what physical change I can expect next? I'm doing my best to age gracefully, sweaty armpits and all.
In this post Growing Older not as much fun as it seems, I wrote a paragraph about some of the physical changes you go through as you age and I naively stated that these changes "...are not necessarily welcomed but they do not shock you." Well I can unequivocally state that the random perspiration in my armpits is definitely shocking, not welcome and I had no clue this was even coming!
The first time it happened was last fall. I thought it was because it was still 100 degrees outside with humidity levels approaching 100%. But then it continued to occur throughout the winter months (maybe I was dressing too warmly?) I thought something was wrong with me and put it on my list of symptoms to research on the internet when I happened to be watching a rerun of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on cable and saw a scene where Kate Hudson is talking rapidly and begins to put tissues under her arm pits. And I said "YES!" and pointed at the screen. I knew exactly what she was going through. However when I saw the movie the first time ten years ago, I did not understand or even recognize the significance of the paper towel move. It was not on my radar screen.
Last night my son, the Rockstar, asked me if I was trying to fly somewhere when he saw me doing my interpretation of the Chicken Dance in the kitchen as I was trying to dry out my armpits. I laughed and told him to just bring me some paper towels.
I don't know how long this is supposed to last but when I surveyed my peer group of girlfriends, they are in the same sweaty boat. It is nice to know I am not alone. There are many web sites devoted to hyperhidrosis. I'm sure the answer is in there somewhere.
I wonder what physical change I can expect next? I'm doing my best to age gracefully, sweaty armpits and all.
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