Tuesdays with Mike

Tuesdays seem to be the day you make decisions. What happens to prompt you to make them on Tuesdays? You told me in June (on a Tuesday) that you wanted to give her one more chance. So we cooled off and you went incommunicado for months. However, you called my voicemail to hear my voice and drove by my house to check on me. Then you contacted me again in September and said you couldn't live with the instability in your life anymore. So you proceeded with your divorce. Then in October you cancelled it and saw me on a Tuesday to tell me why. You said you were confused and you felt you needed to give her one more chance. I asked how many "one more chances" did she get? So we say goodbye. I am hurt. I am angry. But I believe in my heart you will be back. And you do, you come back one week later. I am cautious but happy to see you, talk to you, hear your voice and touch you. Everything feels right as if it is supposed to be this way - you and me together. I was happy to take baby steps with you if that meant we would be together. You changed your work location to be closer to me. She continued to drink. You continued to be faced with upheaval in your life. I tried to be constant. I tried to bring you joy and smiles. It seemed like it was working. Then Tuesday, one week ago, you called and said you can't do this anymore. That you have to figure out your life. That you want to be open and honest in your relationships and that you love her and have feelings for me and you just can't do it anymore. That you don't want to hurt me anymore. So you said goodbye to me. I was not surprised. I was somewhat relieved because I kept waiting for the day when you would say goodbye again and disappear again. I was sad because I do love you and us together. I hope that when your marriage is over, you try to reach out to me. That you try to see where I am. You said to me that if we are meant to be together, it will happen. I would like to believe that too, but as long as you continue to give her one more chance, you prevent what was "meant to be".

I shrug my shoulders and sigh. I know you are thinking about me and that you will think about me everyday as I you. But I will not contact you anymore. I am moving on and if we are "meant to be", I hope the universe makes it happen in this lifetime and not the next. And preferably not on a Tuesday.