Get under to get over

Some people say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.  I'm not entirely sold on that methodology just yet.  Several years ago, I attempted that therapy when Mike had cancelled his divorce and went back to his alcoholic wife.  Although it was fun, I can't say that I "got over him" because of it.  In fact, it just made me miss him and what we had that much more.

Fast forward to present day.  I am nursing my broken heart courtesy of my Fox, my multinational special agent.  I am grieving the loss of our daily communications and interactions.  It has been suggested that I 'get under to get over'.  Not this time, I reply.  I know better now. I don't want to experience that empty feeling because I am not with the one I love and whom I want to be with.  And I know it would not be fair to whichever man was picked. My brain and my heart would be wrapped up in my Fox's arms and I would close my eyes to see him and not the body in front of me.  Of course men will say they are willing to make that sacrifice to help  me along, but thank you anyway, I'm just not ready right now.

So what am I going to do?  I have no idea.  Keep picking up the pieces of my heart, see if a reassembled (and blended with my Fox's pieces) one is stronger?  Keep focusing on the good things that I do have and celebrating that every day above ground is a good day?  Keep praying that this separation, this painful separation, is temporary and that my Fox misses me so much that he comes back and our journey resumes together?  Keep blogging about it and bore anyone who reads this to tears?  Well, dear readers (if there are any out there) unfortunately for you, yes I will keep blogging.  It seems to be more therapeutic than the other option of getting under to get over.

I don't know what is in store for me.  I don't know why I experience what I do.  Apparently I still must have a lot to learn and my character needs more 'growing'.  Okay, I get it. Could it be possible though that my next opportunities be a bit less painful?  Could it be possible though that my next opportunities for happiness be less fleeting?  And Could it be possible though that someone loving me without any restrictions be a reality instead of a dream?  Could it?

*Sigh* I'm not over my Fox.  He's who I want to be under.