Let’s see, an update is in order. I should have known that yesterday was going
to be wacky because I started out a little behind on time. But with my friend Kathy behind the wheel and her ability
to multitask and prioritize, we only arrived 5 minutes behind schedule. Got my usual seat and unloaded all my ‘gear’ –
laptop, iPad, plugged in the extension cord so everything could stay
charged. Put my munchies out and my
water too. Got my vitals taken and my
blood drawn. Then I waited until I saw
my oncologist. He asked how I was
doing. I gave him the laundry list of
symptoms: neuropathy (the most annoying and irritating), fatigue, muscle
weakness and muscle twitching, some paralysis that occurs in my hands around
the thumb and pointer finger (usually only on Thursday but this time it started
on Wednesday too!), told him how I hated the feeling of my throat being scraped
every time I ate or drank anything. I
pretty much told him things that are consistent with my treatment. He again reiterated that the Oxiliplantin
drug (the culprit for most of these side effects) gives me an extra 5% chance
at being cured. So if he takes it away,
I’m only going to be at between 93-95% cured.
He said though that I’m the one having to take the chemo so I need to
tell him if I get to the point where I can’t deal with the side effects
anymore. Then he said he would look at
either reducing the amount or eliminating the oxiliplantin, but “remember it
gives you that extra 5%...”
It’s hard to know what to do. I told a friend of mine that if I can manage
to just feel utterly crappy for three days (wed, thurs, fri) of my chemo week,
then I know I can get through all twelve.
I want my body to keep on the good fight of trying to rebuild itself
quickly after each dose. I want to give
it the best shot at being cured of cancer but, man, what a way to do it all.
So at 2:40 I got home yesterday afternoon. I was feeling a little shaky walking up my
steps. My eyelids had been twitching almost uncontrollably since I left the
infusion center. Thankfully I wasn’t
driving, Kathy was. We had picked up
prescriptions for extra potassium (surprise surprise I’m low again) and pepcid
for the heartburn that comes with the chemo.
I let the dogs out, grabbed a glass of water from the tap and tossed
back the 4 potassium tablets. Then
almost as soon as I swallowed, I couldn’t catch a breath. My airways had constricted. I have never had asthma but I think that is what
it must feel like. I kept struggling for
my breath, I was shaking. I walked over
to my neighbor’s house because I couldn’t call for help. By the time I got to her porch, my breath was
back although very shallow. I explained
what happened. She said it looked like I
was having a panic attack. I’ve never
had one of those either. We went back to
my house so I could call my oncologist.
I explained in my now very breathy, raspy, 1940s pin-up girl voice, what
had happened. His nurse said he
recommended I go to the emergency room.
I thought, ‘really? Again? 3rd time in 2 months? Great.’ She also suggested that I take one of the
anti-anxiety pills to see if that helps while I decide on whether or not to go
to the ER. My neighbor said she was
going to go get ready to take me to the ER and for me to let her know when I
want to go, if I want to go.
I went upstairs (calves like rocks – another continuing side
effect) to my room. Picked up the
anti-anxiety med and popped one tiny little pill in my mouth, grabbed a water
bottle from nearby (not overly cold either more room temperature), swallowed
the pill and instantly I was back gasping for breath. I was scared to say the least. I got down on the floor with my dog, Sparky
(yes I know one of the canines I bitch about and who was the whole food cookie
stealer) who wasn’t leaving my side. I
rubbed his face and focused on his eyes to try to calm myself in order to get
oxygen to my lungs. I sat back on my heels
and stretched my arms behind me to lengthen my torso and give my diaphragm some
space. I was able to get some shallow
breathing to happen. Then I scooted my
ass down each stair to the bottom, put the dogs into their crates, grabbed my
going-to-the-hospital bag and went next door and said “I’m ready to go to the
ER.”
I was afraid to drink or eat anything. I knew that it would probably be another
wasted trip but if I didn’t go was I ignoring something really critical. I couldn’t live not drinking or eating, who
could?
Thankfully, this visit to the ER went much better. I was in a room right away (I guess my
symptoms and issue ranks right up next to gunshot victims and mothers in
labor). I had a chest x-ray, an EKG, and
blood drawn. Guess what, my potassium
was low. Duh! I replied. That’s why I took the four pills as directed
at home.
Anyway, I laid in my room and after all my tests came back
normal (except for the potassium), the doctor said she didn’t know what caused
my “irregular respiratory episode” and asked if I had had anymore. I told her no but that I hadn’t drank
anything either. I took an ibuprofen and
drank water to wash it down. And
nothing. No airway constriction. I was relieved. I was released home.
Kids were happy to see me.
Fortunately, my ex’s wife was planning on feeding my boys anyway so she
was there to be with them while I was at the ER. I slept fine last night and this morning with
warmer than room temp water, I took all my potassium pills and all my vitamins and
had no breathing issues.
I have a few theories about why it happened, mostly related
to cold water and cold air hitting my body all at the same time. The neuropathy makes me very sensitive to
cold (it’s so annoying even when I wash my hands in warm water, I get the tingling immediately
after I dry them because now my skin is cold).
This is going to be a fun winter.
Anyway, less than 24 hours and my FU boyfriend will go
away. I only have 8 more sessions. Looking forward to the halfway mark so I can
then really see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And very grateful to be breathing deeply today.
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