“I just wish my nose would stop running. Shit! Here comes that tickle in my throat. Oh no and now the cough. I just want it to stop! I am so tired of having this cold or allergy or whatever it is. Maybe I’m allergic to work?” I thought as I sat in the large, hallowed conference room with dark wood trim around the windows and heavy large doors waiting for the next person to come interview me. Her heels clicked on the wooden parquet floor that has been cleaned and polished to impress anyone who enters the room.
Cough. Cough. Cough. I turn my head to see who has entered the room. It is the head of development for the university. She is a little woman, probably mid to late-40s, with graying hair. I wonder how this interview is going to go – not well if I can’t keep my eyes and nose from their full-on assault.
“Hi Michelle, I’m Peggy Lundstrom.”
“Hello, Peggy.”
"So glad you could wait for me. I apologize for the delay. So how are you feeling? I remember you telling me the other day that you were a little under the weather” Peggy continued.
“Well I’m on the tail end of this cold. It’s sort of just dragging on and on. I sound worse than I feel” Okay so I’m lying through my teeth. I’m just trying to drudge up some sympathy here and to explain away the inevitable onslaught of snot and tears…
“Well I will take it that into account during our discussion," replied Peggy.
“Thanks” Score! Maybe she does have some sympathy for me?
"So why do you want to work here?" she inquired.
God I hate this question. Should I just answer truthfully – “because if I work here, my children’s college education is guaranteed and I have to do my best for my kids since my ex-husband is too wrapped up in his own ‘affairs’ to save any money for college” or should I answer “because I value the work of the university and wish to contribute in my small way to strengthen its ability to continue to provide quality education to the young energetic minds who come here searching for answers?”
Instead I answer
“Well as a development officer for a small not-for profit, it is an honor to have an opportunity to work here and to learn from the premier development group not only in the region but one who carries a fabulous reputation nationally.”
Peggy smiles and says, “Well you’re right, we do have a great national reputation for being able to raise substantial amounts of money from our alumni base.”
I couldn’t hear anymore what she was saying because my throat began to get all dry and itchy and I knew that I would have to break down and open my old standby, the cough drop, in order to get through the interview. My eyes started to water furiously; I began to “ahem and ahem” in an attempt to clear my throat while trying to appear interested in whatever the director was saying. I fumbled for it and then grabbed the cough drop from my purse all the while smiling and nodding my head as if in total agreement. I unwrapped the cough drop and popped it into my mouth. Ah relief…I reached up toward my eye and delicately wiped the tears with the side of my finger praying that I would not smear my makeup any more.
“And this position would be responsible for connecting with 7-10,000 alumni annually. So do you have any questions for me?” asked Peggy.
“Well” I pause, “ how long have you been here and what have you found to be the most rewarding aspect of the job? “
God, what an awful question, I sure hope she hasn’t already told me this but I really need her to continue talking because my eyes are welling up again and I think, oh my god, I think I’m going to sneeze. Inhale. No. That crisis has been averted. Maybe if I just turn my head and cough I’ll be able to get this damn tickle out of my throat.
Peggy continues talking. I hear words like, “it’ll be ten years this spring since I joined the university…. I was also at a small not-for-profit…”
I can’t bear it anymore, I must do something about the tickle, the tears, the snot just welling up in my head before I completely implode.
I slowly turn my head and cough ever so gracefully (at least I thought). And the cough drop comes flying out of my mouth and crash lands on the beautifully polished and scholarly floor. I squeal “oh my god!” Peggy stops and says “you okay?” I laugh in a sort of shock and disbelief and I say “yes, I’m fine but….” And I get out of my chair, laughing and walk over to where the cough drop has landed. I pick it up and quickly walk it to a trash can. I can’t control my laughter. Only me on a very important job interview…would spit out a cough drop! I walked back to my seat and I didn’t get any more tickles the remaining five minutes or so of my interview.
Guess what? I didn’t get the job either. But it is pretty funny.
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