It's cold and only going to get colder this week. Kind of irritating because this is my "good week" and I was looking forward to being social. But when temps are going to be 0 degrees F and below with 3-5 inches of snow on the ground, it makes it hard for anyone to go out and be social, much less me - the chemo patient!
And to add insult to injury, my dog chewed the thumb off my leather gloves!!! He already chewed up the leather on my great Strength bracelet that a friend gave me the other day. So bummed about that! I realize the dog is dealing with anxiety, Ladybug isn't here and my other dog is being fostered at a friend's until I'm done with chemo. But seriously, leave my shit alone!
Yesterday's group support session was sobering as we had a new person join us and she is in palliative care. This is where they don't try to treat the disease anymore; they just provide medications to ease the pain. She was so sad. Her eyes were profoundly hurting. I didn't know what to say to her; I wanted to make her smile or laugh but she didn't. I left group with a heaviness in my heart because I don't know what I would do or how I would be if I were in her shoes. I am so close to being done with my treatment (23 days!!) and I see my "life" resuming and cancer never coming back. And I shed tears that mine was caught when it was; no one truly understands the magnitude of my gratitude. But it's not for them to understand anyway. It's mine.
Yesterday I talked about how this journey has taught me at least one thing: to maximize my interactions with people (friends, family and strangers who will soon be friends) because you never know when you won't be able to do that anymore. I'm not trying to be morbid here, just realistic, and so very contemplative. A snow day will do that to you.
I promise, dear readers, that I do have more funny stories to write about, so don't give up. It won't always be about cancer, cancer, cancer. And I'm looking forward to that as well!!!
Thanks for caring!
xx- The Philosopher
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